Move Over Broadway
by Alaina
Summary: Some things aren't what you expect, and some things don't have the first thing in common.
1. The Arrival, or The Dangers of FROS

Alright, so I own nothing-and I do mean nothing- apart from Lady Druscilla Ophelia Annabelle Tavington, which isn't exactly an asset. Special thanks to Megan for help with the… research in FROS. And remember boys and girls: PLZ R&R! BeCaUsE iT's ReAlLy GoOd! (Yes, that's a joke.)

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Dru Tavington sat in her bedroom, sulking as she listened to her _Lord of the Rings_ soundtrack. She had many reasons to be sitting there sulking, the main one being that she wasn't really sure what else to do.

See, Dru had a highly difficult problem. Her friends had stopped calling her. Of course they'd been very discreet about it, but after awhile it became hard to notice, even for her. And she hadn't the faintest idea why. Although it had vaguely occurred to her that it might have something to do with the fact that she had started insisting they call her 'Lady Druscilla'. Or occasionally 'Lady Druscilla Tavington'. Or, if she was feeling _really_ out there, 'Lady Druscilla Ophelia Annabelle Tavington', with the occasion 'milady', 'her royal majesty', or 'the beloved' thrown in for good measure.

The truth was, Dru had a disorder, one that had become increasingly more common after the fifteenth of December in the year two thousand and one. It was a complex known by the more hip of scientists as FROS, also known as Fake Ringer Obsession Syndrome. Now because of budget cuts, the health boards of every country except Guatemala refused to accept this complex as an actual disorder, but it was one. Oh boy, was it one.

FROS was mainly common in young girls between the ages of 13 and 16, although there have been reported cases of every age and gender. FROS occurs when said subject sees _The Lord of the Rings_. Only in extremely rare cases has it not occurred on the first viewing.

In every case the subject had no previous knowledge of the books, or (in most cases) even their existence, hence the placing of the 'fake'. The subjects did not even pertain enough knowledge of events to be complete obsessors, which makes them even more pitiful than general ROS, also known as Ringers, who really aren't that pitiful at all. Well, they are, but in the same way that Trekkies and Jedis are… at least they're recognized.

Now the 'Ringer' part should be painfully, blatantly obvious. But just in case, here's a hint: They like Lord of the Rings.

So to put Dru's disorder in simpler terms: she saw _Lord of the Rings_, liked the cute boys, and decided she was secretly an elf princess who could do absolutely anything. She then proceeded to clutter fanfic sites with lots of pointless, never-finished stories in which she out-fought everyone, single-handedly destroyed the ring, and married Legolas, whose sole job was to smile lots and look pretty.

So back to Dru, left sulking in her bedroom. While we were explaining her disorder, she had come up with a plan to relieve her boredom and depression. Because every sixteen year old girl in her town had depression. Dru's plan was this: write another meaningless fanfic to post, complete with a summary that ended "PLZ R&R! BeCaUsE iT's ReAlLy GoOd!"

So Dru sat down at her computer, and began to type. She stopped to ponder for a minute before coming up with her title: "The Rebel Elf Who Loved Legolas."

But no sooner had she typed the 's' than a great electric shock shot through her keyboard and into her hands. It wasn't actually enough to harm her, except that she fell backward in surprise and hit her table. She actually still would have been alright, except that then the blender fell on her head and knocked her out.

When Dru woke up, she was no longer in her bedroom. In fact, she was no longer in a room period. She was lying on her back, staring at the sky. The ground was cold and hard underneath her, which for some reason came as a complete shock.

Utterly confused, she was still lying on the ground when she heard the thump of footsteps running toward her. Strong arms pulled her to her feet, and Dru looked around expecting Legolas. After all, it was quite clear that she was obviously in Middle Earth. Duh.

But Legolas wasn't there. Startled, Dru looked down from her 5 foot 9 inches to see Frodo standing at her feet, barely reaching her waist. "Who are you?" she asked stupidly, wondering how on earth he had managed to pull her up.

Frodo looked at her for a moment. "Two-Four-Six-Oh-Oooooooooone!" he sang loudly, throwing his arms out on the 'one' and catching her in the stomach.

Dru stared at him. She couldn't put her finger on it, but something seemed wrong. Not one to worry, Dru shrugged. "Great, um, can I come with you to Rivendell, because I'm _totally_ good at fighting and stuff, and I really, _really_ want to meet Legolas, because, like, I love him, and like, I know he loves me, and like, I'm going to get married to him."

"Alright, why not, if I ever go theeeeeeeere," he agreed, singing on one note. "Let's go-o hooooooooooome!"

And without so much as a by your leave, he dragged her off to his house.


	2. Phantom of the Grey

The farther Dru followed Frodo, the less she could shake the feeling that something was, well, wrong. For some reason she kept hearing background music, that didn't seem to come from anywhere, and never faded away.

Oh well. Dru didn't really see the point in thinking about it. After all, she _was_ in Middle Earth. And it _was_ Frodo she was with. He probably had magic musicians who floated behind a cloud all the time and serenaded him with music. Kind of like in that elf place with the trees, when there was all that singing, but you couldn't actually see anyone except for Legolas.

At the thought of Legolas, Dru stopped walking, and her eyes glazed over.

Frodo stopped to look at her. "What is it, what is wroooong?" he asked, still singing on one note.

Dru snapped out of it. "Huh? Oh, nothing. Hey, when do I meet Legolas?"

"Who?"

Dru would have fallen over in absolute shock, except that Frodo had begun running back to his house again, and grabbed her. She was still astounded by how strong he was. Or at least she would have been if she knew what astounded meant.

They arrived at Frodo's house and she sat down in a short little chair, that wasn't very comfortable. But Dru needed to think. This was all wrong, and definitely not to plan! How could Frodo not know who Legolas was? How could he introduce her if he didn't even know him? Oh my god, what was she going to do? Part of Dru's brain exploded, but it was too small to really make a difference.

Frodo came into the room. "Dear Cosette, you never told me your naaaaame," he sang in a soft voice, reaching an unnaturally high note.

"Um, like, I don't know who cassette is. I think my dad used to have one of those. But my name is Dru. Scilla," she added, just in time. After all, it wouldn't do to live in Middle Earth and be known as Princess Dru. And there was no doubt that she wouldn't become a princess.

Frodo nodded. "Would you like something to eat?"

Dru agreed, mostly to get him to stop singing. But before Frodo could leave again, the front door flew open, and right of its hinges, smashing a window and narrowly avoiding Dru's head. She screamed, and then coughed. Huge puffs of smoke were billowing in through the door. She couldn't even see the end of her nose, let alone anything else. She could, however, hear. There were loud organ chords drowning out almost everything else, except for the faint sound of Frodo, still trying to sing as he coughed up a lung.

The smoke began to clear, and standing at the door was Gandalf. A loud, high-pitched scream came from absolutely nowhere. An invisible chorus of women began to sing. "He is here, the Phantom of the Gre-ey! (He is with us, he is here) He is here, the Phantom of the Gre-ey!"

Gandalf began to sing loudly, stretching out each word for all it's worth. "Is it se-cret, is it sa-fe?"

"The ring?" Frodo sang questioningly.

Gandalf abruptly stopped singing. "Well of course. It's good to see you again, by the way."

Frodo nodded, heading to the mantle to retrieve the ring. It was at that moment that Gandalf noticed Dru, sitting on the chair. Before she had the chance to say anything, he had grabbed her by the collar, and held her dangling in the air. "Curse you, you little lying Delilah, you little viper, what is it you're doing here?"

Frodo laid a hand on Gandalf's arm. "But Gandalf, she is my frieeeeeend."

"Oh." Gandalf set her down. "So sorry. Name?"

Dru stared at him, too frightened to actually speak.

Frodo spoke up for her. "Dru Scilla," he answered, choosing this one time to actually speak rather than sing.

Gandalf grabbed Frodo by the shoulder. "Listen to me!" he yelled in a deep, agonized voice. "You must take the ring and go to Bree! I will find you there! She will go too!" Gandalf went suddenly silent. He threw Frodo to the floor, stalked to the window, and pulled in Sam. "Spying?" he shrieked.

Sam began to quiver, shaking his head violently.

Gandalf gave him the evil eye. "You will go tooooooooooo!" He sang, before disappearing into a puff of smoke. The organ music began again.

Half and hour later, the smoke cleared. The only thing left was a white mask where Gandalf had stood. And of course Frodo and Sam. Dru felt slightly frightened, but decided that at least some good had come of all the insanity. After all, she was going to Rivendell, and obviously everything would be fine once she got the elves. They'd probably name her as the long lost queen!


End file.
